Time to read!
FEEL FREE TO SKIP TO THE PART YOU WISH TO READ
- A GENTLE SAFETY NOTE (IMPORTANT)
- DISCLAIMER
- HOW DOES A SPIRAL FEEL?
- OTHER WAYS C-PTSD SHOWS UP
- WHAT I DO WHEN I SPIRAL
- WHAT TRIGGERS A SPIRAL
- Sudden or chronic stress.
- Trauma reminders or anniversaries
- Repetitive negative thinking (rumination/worry)
- Sleep deprivation and fatigue
- Caffeine, stimulants, and smoking
- Social situations or perceived judgement/rejection
- Isolation and loneliness (Very Important and relevant for present times)
- Perfectionism / harsh self-criticism
- Uncertainty and lack of control
- Rumination-triggering social media or news exposure
- Interpersonal conflict and criticism
- Seasonal or biological factors (hormonal changes, PMS)
- MOVING FORWARD
- “Shadow Work”: (ChatGPT)
- Kind and Positive inner dialogue that I can repeat to myself: (ChatGPT)
- Building a Home Within Yourself : Got this idea from a book by Najwa Zebian – “Welcome Home”
- Romanticising Your Own Life – some Instagram reel.
- Naming Your Patterns: Haven’t caught this idea anywhere but myself!
- Future Self Journaling – Dr. Nicole LePera (The Holistic Psychologist), trauma-informed.
- Self-Compassion Break – from ChatGPT
- Lastly (if you believe in God) – Surrendering your pain to Krishna (Or Universe)
A GENTLE SAFETY NOTE (IMPORTANT)
This blog shares coping strategies not as a replacement for therapy, but as support for those who cannot access therapy right now.
Please read with care:
✔ These techniques are safe for most trauma survivors.✔ Everything recommended is grounding, gentle, and non-triggering.
However:
- If spiralling becomes too frequent or interferes with daily functioning, consider seeking a mental health professional when you can.
- Never depend on an unsafe person for comfort.
- If a technique makes you feel worse, stop immediately. What soothes one person may overwhelm another.
- If you’re in immediate emotional distress, please reach out to a helpline.
Your safety comes first — always.
DISCLAIMER
I am not a psychologist or therapist.
I am a survivor sharing lived experience.
If any terminology is imperfect, please forgive me.
My only intention is connection and hope.
WHY AM I WRITING THIS POST?
Recently, I went through a spiralling episode — the type that crawls under your skin and refuses to let go. If you live with Childhood PTSD (C-PTSD), you probably know this feeling intimately. These episodes happen to me from time to time, but this time was different. I am blessed to have a kind friend who helped me return back to myself.
Not everyone has access to that — not everyone has someone safe, and many cannot afford therapy. So people silently suffer.
My hope is that this post reaches someone who is spiralling alone and helps them feel seen, understood, and a little less isolated.
When I searched for the incidence of childhood PTSD in India, the only widely mentioned stats were:
“Specific data on the incidence of childhood PTSD in India is limited. One study showed a 40.62% PTSD diagnosis among children in orphanages in Kashmir.”
Two things stand out:
- There is very little awareness and data.
- C-PTSD is often only associated with overt trauma or orphanhood, ignoring the thousands of people who come from regular homes yet carry deep childhood emotional wounds.
C-PTSD can show up in silent ways:
- anxious or insecure attachment styles
- overthinking & limerence
- black-and-white thinking
- people-pleasing
- chronic guilt & shame
- fear of abandonment
- emotional flashbacks
- trust issues
- spiralling episodes
Many survivors never realise these patterns come from childhood trauma.
HOW DOES A SPIRAL FEEL?
A spiral feels like drowning inside your own mind.
“Why am I like this?”“I’m clingy — that’s why they left.”“Something is wrong with me.”“I must have messed up.”“Nobody stays.”“I am a burden.”“I am unlovable.”“I want to disappear.”
It feels like a mental storm with no exit. You know the thoughts are hurting you, but you can’t stop them. And the SHAME of these thoughts makes you hide them — even from the people who care about you. Spirals are all about shame, intense pain and isolation 🤕
A spiral is not weakness.
A spiral is not drama.
A spiral is your wounded inner child crying for safety.
If you’re experiencing this, please know:
You are not broken — you were hurt. And you deserve gentleness, not self-punishment.
YES, we feel helpless and unsupported BUT this is one such strange moments of life where you will need your own hel. Because you are the only one who can help you (fortunate are those who have safe people around them). Yes, it’s a bitter truth but very empowering in the long run.
I am not a psychologist. I am simply someone who has lived this and is sharing what helps me, hoping it might help someone else too.
OTHER WAYS C-PTSD SHOWS UP
You may relate to these too:
- difficulty trusting even safe people
- over-attachment to emotionally unavailable people
- intense fear during silence or conflict
- self-abandonment & people-pleasing
- staying in toxic workplaces or relationships
- tolerating disrespect
- dissociation or emotional numbness
- difficulty setting boundaries
- perfectionism
- constant self-criticism
- hyper-independence (“I’ll handle everything myself”)
- attracting narcissistic or emotionally abusive people
If you relate to these, you are not alone.
You are not dramatic.
You are not hard to love.
You are carrying wounds that were never your fault.
WHAT I DO WHEN I SPIRAL
Years ago, I didn’t even know spiralling had a name. I thought my thoughts were “true.” I let them control me, shrink me, and push me into unhealthy situations while chasing comfort in the wrong people.
Now, I am not “fully healed,” but I am more aware. My spirals haven’t magically disappeared, but they have softened. I don’t act on toxic impulses anymore. I recover faster.
It is POSSIBLE to help ourselves. And it is only US that can help us. It is a harsh truth, but it is – it is possible for people to break you, but it is not possible for us to expect that people will help us heal. If someone kind comes by then we are fortunate. But people do not owe us help.
Here is what helps me — simple, safe things anyone can try, especially when therapy is not accessible:
1. Gentle Distraction
Now a days, when I spiral I normally, distract myself.
Not suppression — distraction.
People say, “sit with your emotions,” but during a spiral, that can be overwhelming. It can make you non-functional for days.
You might not be able to go to work; you might not be able to take care of yourself – having food for example.
So, I cook, clean, read, watch a comfort show, or browsing at a flea market. I would play a mobile game – simple games to pull you out of the loop.
Movement breaks the mental loop.
2. Nature Walks
Nature is grounding.
Even 5 minutes can help.
Sun on your face.
Wind on your cheeks.
Greenery around.
Nature always wants to comfort you. Nature is the warmest and kindest company one can find.
If you can, take occasional short trips to serene places — beaches, mountains, streams. Nature has a way of holding us gently.
3. Visualisation Meditation
There are lots of material available for the meditation technique and hence I am not explaining it here. This one technique has helped me immensely. I visualise myself walking along the shores, waves taking away my pain. Sometimes I sit and sometimes I walk.
4. Journaling
I dump every chaotic thought onto the page.
It helps me see how harsh I am to myself.
And sometimes clarity, or even content ideas, emerge — like this post.
5. Breathing
Slow deep breathing, with the exhale through the mouth, activates the parasympathetic nervous system.
It slows the storm.
6. Crying
A deeply underrated tool.
Cry into your pillow with kindness towards yourself:
“It’s okay.You’re safe now.You’re hurting.You are allowed to cry.”
Crying releases pressure from the nervous system.
7. Reaching Out
If you have a safe friend — text them.
Not call. Text first.
(Calling may feel overwhelming.)
It was a friend who taught me the “distraction technique.”
Sometimes just knowing someone is there helps regulate our nervous system.
WHAT TRIGGERS A SPIRAL?
I will be honest here. The list here is from ChatGPT. But the examples for each is by ME. I have always read these points elsewhere in a book or a blog, but I always yearned for an example. I don’t quite understand it quickly.
1) Sudden or chronic stress.
Why: Big events or a buildup of smaller stressors raise baseline anxiety and make panic or ruminative spirals more likely. nhs.uk+1
Examples:
Big events – like you have met someone new (be it a friend or a date) and you it’s going all nice and they suddenly take some healthy space – there you go your mind goes spiralling – is it over? Did I do something wrong? People eventually leave me. They must have sensed how clingy I am. I deserve this .. there it goes.. non stop
Also if you are chronically stressed at work – then a small event can even trigger you.
2) Trauma reminders or anniversaries
Why: Sights, sounds, smells, or dates that remind a person of past trauma can instantly trigger panic, dissociation, or runaway negative thinking. nhs.uk+1
Examples: When someone at work uses the same tone as those who inflicted trauma upon you, your body reacts before your mind can process it. The anger, the helplessness, the self-doubts all resurface.
3) Repetitive negative thinking (rumination/worry)
Why: Getting stuck replaying past events (rumination) or imagining catastrophic futures (worry) is itself a transdiagnostic process that maintains and deepens low mood and anxiety. Therapies target this directly because it predicts worse outcomes. PubMed Central+1
Examples: After meeting someone you like, you replay every word and gesture — “Did I say too much? Was I too expressive? Did I seem needy?”
After any conflict at work, your mind replays the incident 50 times, imagining what they might be saying behind your back, whether you’ll get into trouble, or whether you made a mistake.
4) Sleep deprivation and fatigue
Why: Lack of sleep lowers emotional resilience, increases irritability, and makes intrusive negative thoughts and panic more likely. Mayo Clinic
Examples: When you sleep poorly after a bad day at work, the next morning even minor things (like a rude comment or a delay) push you into overwhelm faster.
5) Caffeine, stimulants, and smoking
Why: Substances that raise heart rate or stimulate the nervous system can mimic panic symptoms and trigger attacks in vulnerable people. Mayo Clinic
Examples: On days you drink extra coffee because you’re exhausted, the jitteriness mixes with your workplace anxiety and makes your heart feel unstable, triggering panic-like spirals.
On days you’re nervous about meeting someone, too much coffee makes your body feel anxious — and your brain interprets that as “something is wrong in the relationship.
6) Social situations or perceived judgement/rejection
Why: Public speaking, meetings, or situations where someone feels judged can trigger intense self-focus, shame, and spiralling self-criticism. nhs.uk
Examples: When you open up emotionally and the gal/guy responds casually, it triggers shame — “Did I overshare? Do they think I’m too much?”
During meetings where seniors watch you like a hawk, you feel judged and unsafe. Even if you know your work well, the fear of being humiliated triggers spirals.
7) Isolation and loneliness (Very Important and relevant for present times)
Why: Lack of social support lets negative thoughts echo unchecked; co-rumination (ruminating with others) can also keep a problem alive rather than resolve it. Verywell Mind+1
Examples: When you don’t have friends to talk to or a family you can lean on (and it’s not your fault!) When you’re alone after a stressful day, the loneliness amplifies negative thoughts and makes the pain feel bigger.
After a deep emotional moment with someone, going back to an empty home intensifies longing and makes the connection feel bigger than it is.
8) Perfectionism / harsh self-criticism
Why: A self-critical inner voice drives shame, “I’m not enough” thoughts, and chronic worry — fertile ground for a downward spiral. Harvard Health
Examples: If you like someone, you often feel pressure to present the “best” version of yourself, and you beat yourself up later for small perceived mistakes.
You overwork, overthink, and push yourself to be “the perfect employee,” which makes you blame yourself harshly for things that aren’t even your fault.
9) Uncertainty and lack of control
Why: People prone to worry often react strongly to ambiguous situations; the mind fills gaps with worst-case scenarios. PubMed Central+1
Examples: If someone sends mixed signals — caring one day, distant the next — your nervous system can’t handle the inconsistency, leading to spirals.
Not knowing if a colleague will suddenly turn hostile or if management will twist things creates a constant background anxiety.
10) Rumination-triggering social media or news exposure
Why: Repeated exposure to distressing news or comparison on social media fuels catastrophic thinking, shame, and hopelessness. Harvard Health
Examples: On difficult days, seeing people your age with stable families, good workplaces, or happy vacations makes you spiral into “Why is my life so hard?”
Seeing their activity online while they haven’t replied to you triggers “They have time for others, not me.”
11) Interpersonal conflict and criticism
Why: Arguments, perceived rejection, or critical comments can rapidly activate shame and rumination, sending people into negative spirals. nhs.uk
Examples: Even gentle feedback from someone you like feels like danger. You may shut down emotionally or feel the urge to withdraw.
Even a small comment from a colleague like “Why did you do it this way?” can trigger flashbacks of being unfairly blamed in childhood or by your ex
12) Seasonal or biological factors (hormonal changes, PMS)
Why: Hormonal fluctuations can change mood and anxiety vulnerability for some people. Mayo Clinic
Examples: Well, I think no examples needed here!
MOVING FORWARD
The root cause of spiralling is Trauma. I am no therapist to mention the therapy based instruments that help in healing like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing) and trauma-focused CBT. And I am not authorised as well. So I can mention what works with me. I think it can help those who cannot afford therapy as well. I mostly take help of ChatGPT and few from a self help book. I will mention it.
“Shadow Work”: (ChatGPT)
What it is?
Shadow work means gently exploring the emotional wounds that hide underneath your reactions.
It is not about blaming yourself.
It is about understanding why something hurt so deeply.
Your shadow usually comes from childhood wounds — abandonment, criticism, rejection, unpredictability, chaos, neglect, lack of affection.
How shadow work heals
- It shows you the real wound beneath today’s trigger
- Spirals lose intensity because you understand the root
- You stop reacting from your scared inner child
- You move from self-blame → self-understanding
Example
Trigger: A person you liked suddenly becomes distant.
Shadow response: “I’m not chosen. Something is wrong with me.”
Shadow truth: This is actually the old abandonment wound being activated, not the person themselves.
Healing shift: You stop chasing or proving yourself. You soothe the part that feels unloved. You re write the narrative and give your inner child that which he/she/they were not given – safety.
Kind and Positive inner dialogue that I can repeat to myself: (ChatGPT)
What it is
Talking to yourself kindly — not in your head, but intentionally.
Think of it as your adult self, comforting your inner child.
How it heals
- Recreates the emotional safety you never received
- Softens spirals
- Replaces the critic with compassion
- Builds inner trust (very important)
Example:
After a humiliating moment at work, your old wound whispers:
“See? You’re the problem.”
Your inner dialogue responds:
“No, this environment is toxic. You handled it with dignity. I’m here for you.”
This changes the emotional outcome completely.
Building a Home Within Yourself : Got this idea from a book by Najwa Zebian – “Welcome Home”
What it means
Creating emotional safety inside you — a place you can return to no matter what life throws.
It includes:
- boundaries
- routines
- safe rituals
- inner comfort
- choosing your voice over judgment
How it heals
Trauma tells you: “There is no safe place.”
This practice rewires that belief.
Example
Your safe inner home could be your hobby (for me its writing blog), your evening tea, softening your tone with yourself, and your dreams for yourself, journaling. These practices help you build your home within yourself.
When you build your home externally – for example, you assign your happiness, safety, comfort and sometimes even identity to a person or a group (family or friends); when they leave you/ abandon/ betray you, you will be left homeless (not literally always).
You wander or chase looking for comfort and safety. But when your home is YOU yourself, you would feel sad but not homeless.
Romanticising Your Own Life – some Instagram reel.
Not aesthetic — but healing
Romanticising your life isn’t about living perfectly or aesthetically.
It’s about noticing softness even on ugly days.
How it heals
- brings back joy after years of survival
- rewires the brain to notice beauty instead of danger
- builds hope
- creates an identity beyond trauma
Example:
You turn your small routines — writing, sunsets, solo travel, coffee — into moments of peace. Also dream and visualise and live for a beautiful future you want for yourself.
Your story becomes:
“I am building a beautiful life despite what I went through.”
Naming Your Patterns: Haven’t caught this idea anywhere but myself!
What it is
Looking at what keeps repeating:
- choosing unavailable partners
- over giving
- attracting narcissistic workplaces
- not receiving the love you give
- feeling unvalued
How it heals
Patterns are not destiny.
They are information.
Once you name the pattern, you stop blaming yourself.
Example:
Pattern: emotionally unavailable people and toxic work places.
Insight: “My nervous system was choosing familiar pain, not healthy people.”
Healing: You begin choosing environments aligned with your peace.
Yes, it isn’t as easy as it sounds. Shifting from unhealthy to healthy patterns requires you to break the habit of being unhealthy. Which is very difficult and painful. But when you are persistent, you do get over it and reach the healthier side.
Future Self Journaling – Dr. Nicole LePera (The Holistic Psychologist), trauma-informed.
What it is
Writing from the voice of your healed future self.
How it heals
- builds hope
- creates emotional direction
- strengthens your identity beyond trauma
- calms spirals by showing you a future
Example:
Your future self writes:
“You will leave this toxic job by _____”
“You’ll travel, find peace, meet aligned people.”
“Your life will be beautiful.”
This reframes everything.
Self-Compassion Break – from ChatGPT
What it is
A 3-step method by Dr. Kristin Neff:
- “This is painful.”
- “Many people feel this way.”
- “I deserve compassion.”
How it heals
- lowers cortisol
- reduces shame
- increases resilience
Example:
When you spiral after someone pulls away:
“This hurts.”
“Many trauma survivors feel the same.”
“I deserve gentleness.”
It shifts your entire emotional landscape.
Lastly (if you believe in God) – Surrendering your pain to Krishna (Or Universe)
This is the first thing I do. I am mentioning it in the end because many people may not relate to it. I imagine myself surrendering the pain to Krishna and He telling me, “you are safe with Me. I am always here for you”
I swear, I felt better. I felt protected and safe. And yes, He was always there with me and He will always be!
🌱 Final Words
Healing without therapy is possible.
Not easy — but possible.
You don’t need a perfect childhood to have a peaceful adulthood.
You don’t need someone to fix you.
You don’t need to be chosen by others to feel valuable.
Your healing begins the moment you choose to understand yourself instead of judging yourself.
🌿 This is a Safe Space — You Can Share Your Heart Here
If you reached the end of this post, please know this:
This space is for you.
Your feelings are valid.
Your spirals don’t make you weak.
Your patterns don’t make you broken.
Your healing — even if slow — is still healing.
You can share your story, your experiences, your questions, or even just a small piece of your heart in the comments below or you can mail me.
No judgement.
No pressure.
Just a gentle corner of the internet where people who feel deeply can breathe a little easier.
Whether you’re healing from trauma, learning to understand yourself, or simply trying to survive difficult days — you are welcome here.
Your voice matters.
Your story matters.
You matter.
I’m listening. 🌿
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