Eyes and Escapes

Table of Contents:

1. 🎭Why I started to feel so?
2. 🪞 Is It Really Imposter Syndrome?
3. 🧭 Am I denying my Karma, by not pursuing one more fellowship?
4. 👣 The magic of feeling enough!
5. 👁️ Am I living upto the expectations?
6. 🔥 Why I almost said YES to another fellowship?
7. ❄️ My true vision for myself
8. ⁉️ Whats my decision and how did I arrive at it?

Ever felt like you’re wearing a label that doesn’t quite fit?

Many individuals in demanding fields often grapple with feelings of imposter syndrome, questioning their abilities and achievements.

Like the world sees a version of you that feels too heavy, too perfect, too complete — while inside, you’re still learning, still unsure?

This post isn’t just about medicine. It’s about identity, honesty, self-worth, and the pressure to “do more.”

If you’ve ever wondered whether “enough is really enough” — this is for you.

“Better to fail in your own dharma than succeed in the dharma of another.”
— Bhagavad Gita 3.35

For the past few weeks, a quiet storm has been building inside me.
Even though I’m a trained surgeon with a good hand in cataract surgeries, DCRs, and selected oculoplasty procedures, I find myself shrinking internally when someone introduces me as an “oculoplastic surgeon.”

The words echo louder than intended.

They sound… untrue.

Or at least, incomplete.

I feel like an IMPOSTER.

And so the question began to haunt me:
“Should I pursue one more fellowship? Would it finally make me feel enough?”

This is not just a question of a career path — it’s about identity, karma, and self-worth.

If you’re a healthcare professional, a student, or just someone who’s wondered whether you’ve done “enough,” this might resonate more than you expect.

Understanding and confronting imposter syndrome can be crucial for personal growth and self-acceptance.

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🎭 When Labels Feel Heavy

Let’s start with what triggered this whole thing.

People assume that because I’m associated with oculoplasty, I know it all — orbitotomies, lid reconstructions, ocular oncology, trauma cases, and more.

But in truth, I’ve had more focused hands-on experience in a narrower band — mostly DCRs and basic lid surgeries.
And I’m good at it.
But when a patient asks about a surgery I haven’t done, I freeze.

My mind spirals:
“Shouldn’t you know this already? You’ve done MS, DNB, a fellowship… Why are you still lacking?”
“Maybe one more degree will fix this feeling of inadequacy.”
“Maybe I’m not really worthy of this consultant tag at all.”

Hello, imposter syndrome.
But also — hello, honesty.

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🪞 Is It Really Imposter Syndrome, or Something Deeper?

At first, I thought I was dealing with classic imposter syndrome — where competent people feel like frauds.
But when I examined it deeper, I realized this:
It wasn’t false guilt.
It was honest awareness of what I’ve mastered and what I haven’t — and the gap between what I’m called and what I feel capable of.

By the way for those who want to know what imposter syndrome is, click here or you can continue to next

Imposter syndrome is a psychological pattern where individuals doubt their accomplishments and fear being exposed as a fraud, despite evidence of their competence

• Perfectionism
• Procastination
• Project paralysis
• People Pleasing

These are the 4 P’s of imposter syndrome

Knowing and staying aligned with our true nature — our strengths, our limitations — is itself a form of spiritual wisdom.
Because one who is aware of his/her limitations – we are just humans and can’t be everything – is the most grounded person.

I would just refer the patient to my colleague when something is out of my expertise.

There are a lot of experts out there. But there’s only one me.

I can do what’s possible in my hands and others are anyways there to provide their expertise.
I don’t have to be everything. I must be ME.

It’s clarity.
It’s honesty.
It’s integrity.
It’s wisdom.
It’s THE TRUTH.

FOR a moment I felt like an imposter, but hello clarity 😀

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🧭 Then Came the Big Question: Is My Karma to “Pursue More”?

I turned to the Bhagavad Gita, something I’ve done during many moments of inner chaos.
Krishna’s teachings hit different when you’re at a spiritual crossroads.

And what struck me was this:

“Shreyan swadharmo vigunah paradharmat swanushthitat;
Swadharme nidhanam shreyah paradharmo bhayavahah.”
— Bhagavad Gita 3.35

Disclaimer: Since we are being honest here — I don’t remember the verses by heart but I remember what it says 😬

“It is better to follow one’s own path (swadharma), even imperfectly, than to follow another’s perfectly. To die fulfilling your own dharma is better; following another’s dharma brings danger.”

I began to reflect:
• Is my dharma to chase endless validation through degrees?
• Or is it to serve with devotion — using what I already do well?
• Is fellowship calling me out of curiosity and love, or out of fear and shame?

These question changed everything.

In essence, the verse encouraged me to discover and align with my true self, performing the duties that resonate with my innate qualities and capacities – my true self is about more than surgeries and achieving more degrees or reaching the zenith in the field of Ophthalmology.

The key here is to ask yourself – “What’s your true self?”

I want to help people heal in other ways as well (swadharma) – even though I might not become an expert healer or a traveller or designer (imperfect swadharma) – rather than pursue one more fellowship — a wish driven by external validation (paradharma).

Following swadharma ultimately leads to greater fulfillment and avoids the pitfalls associated with pursuing roles that are set by external forces — or in short, are not inherently mine.

I bet it’s too confusing to directly understand from the verse. But when we apply it in our life, it gets clearer.
Yes, aligning with my swadharma is my Karma.

Also there’s a lot of expertise and great doctors in the society. Not like – If I don’t pursue another fellowship then the society would be devoid of help! 😬

I can be ME and serve the society in my way.

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👣 What I Know and Do Well Already – Matters

Here’s my truth, and maybe yours too:
• I am already a surgeon.
• I perform cataract surgeries with skill and consistency.
• I handle DCRs with precision.
• I’ve managed a few Oculoplasty cases and know when to refer responsibly.

These are not small things.
In a world where medical mistakes are often fatal, doing something well and ethically is sacred.
Even if I never learn orbitotomies, I still contribute to healing every day.
And referring when something is beyond my scope? That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom and strength.

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👁️ But What If People Expect More?

This is where I got stuck — and maybe you have too.
People see your title, your degree, your background — and they expect more.
More knowledge. More surgeries. More specialization. More Money

But here’s the thing:
You don’t have to live up to their expectations.
You have to live up to your truth.

If someone calls me an oculoplasty consultant, I now gently clarify:
“I specialize in cataract and lacrimal surgeries, and manage select Oculoplasty cases. For advanced orbit or oncology cases, I refer to colleagues I trust.”

That’s not lowering my worth.
That’s setting a clear boundary with confidence.

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🔥 Why I Almost Said Yes to Another Fellowship

Let’s be honest — part of me was drawn to the idea of doing a 2-year orbit-oculoplasty-oncology fellowship.
It would:
• Remove this uneasy feeling when patients ask about complex procedures
• Make me feel “legitimate” among peers
• Give me access to an elite level of skill and recognition
• Also, I love operating skilful procedures

But here’s the other side:
• I’d delay my financial and creative goals by 2–3 years
• I’d put my blog, UX design learning, and travel life on hold
• I’d once again be chasing “more” instead of living “enough” — most important

I repeat: I’d once again be chasing “more” instead of living “enough”

Would Krishna want me to pick that path — just to soothe my ego?

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❄️ My True Dream Is Not a Super-Specialist Badge

My real dream looks like this:
A snowy cottage in the hills. A fire crackling inside.
A life surrounded by real people, raw joy, art, writing, healing, and peace.
Authentic people around.
Income flowing from work that feels light and aligned.

Nowhere in that dream did I see:
“And I also want to be the best Oculoplasty surgeon in the country.”

Because maybe that’s not my karma.
Maybe my karma is to be a good enough surgeon who also heals the world through her other gifts: words, connection, presence, honesty, authenticity

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💡 So What’s My Decision?

✅ I want to keep giving my best to what I already do well — cataracts, DCRs, selected lid surgeries.
✅ I want to upskill selectively — through workshops, short-term training, or observerships.
✅ I want to refer when needed, with grace and without shame.
✅ I want to build parallel paths — my blog, design learning, creative expression, slow travel.
✅ I want to live softly but deeply, with enoughness in my bones.

❓And Why and How I arrived at this decision?

1. Know what’s your vision: my vision doesn’t include me operating in an OT.
2. Why do I want to pursue more: to reach a higher bar placed by someone else (maybe society) or really because I am passionate?
3. If instead of correcting the label people offer you, you’re trying to become the label – then please stop.
4. What would be the scenario if I pursue another fellowship: same or anything more? – Not much of a difference for me
5. Am I trying to do more because of the fear of being perceived as mediocre? If yes, stop.
6. I don’t have to be everything.

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📣 To Anyone Reading This Who’s Struggling With “More”

If you’re feeling like you’re not enough without one more fellowship, one more degree, one more title or something materialistic — pause.
Look inward.
Ask:
• What am I chasing, really?
• What do I already do well?
• What life do I actually want to live?
• Am I choosing from fear or faith?

Sometimes, choosing to stop chasing more is the most radical form of growth.

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🙏🏼 Closing Thoughts — From Krishna, and From Me

You are not meant to live your life proving you’re enough – Remember Karna from Mahabharata?
You are meant to live your life in peace, in truth, and in service — whatever form that takes.
You are not just your degrees.
You are not your fellowship.
You are not your title.
You are your karma — the quiet actions done with devotion.
You are the truth behind your eyes, the peace in your hands, and the voice that speaks when others stay silent.

There are many surgeons for society — all kinds.
There is only one you.

What service can you give to society — however small it may be — that rises out of your honest vision, grounded decisions, and does not serve your ego?

This paraphrase is taken from the blog post by Vivekvani:

“This Karma Yoga, performed with discrimination, is a powerful spiritual force. It never goes to waste. When once it is started, good results flow from whatever is done in this Yoga. There is no harm or adverse effect even if it is stopped in the middle. For instance, when we plant a seed in the soil, we should water the soil constantly. Otherwise, the seed is destroyed. Such is not the case with this Yoga. Whatever is done produces its own good results in proper measure and at the proper time. Nothing is lost and no effort is wasted.”

If you are interested to learn more about this verse, [here is the link].

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💬 Over to You

Have you ever felt torn between doing more and simply being enough?
What helped you decide?

✨ Drop a comment. Share your journey.
Let’s build a space where ambition meets honesty — and enoughness is celebrated.