READ TIME
Table of Contents
I’m so thrilled to be back to writing my blog again – especially to begin with “dark night of my soul” (dark times)
Why I am writing about “my” dark times
In dark times, Krishna (God for me, could be Universe/ Higher Power to you) sent me help in unexpected ways. I pray that this reaches someone experiencing dark times and help them find light. I haven’t covered the intricacies in this single page. Feel free to contact me for more.
How to get through the darkest times?
LESSONS LEARNT OUT OF DARK TIMES AND HOW IT MADE ME COME BACK TO WRITING
Below is the list and links to specifics of this page.
- Impermanence.
- Self-Compassion is the champion saviour.
- Sometimes to find the light, we must first touch the darkness – Galadriel (LOTR)
- Courage is a friend.
- Self love
I am back to writing. The reason for the break is the content of this blog.
Impermanence.
Looking back, the last two years feel like a storm—a roller coaster ride with some intense highs and even deeper lows. A presentation of these two years encompasses the main headings – “Divorce”, “Depression”, “Fellowship”.
Divorce! – yeah you heard me right. The last time I was writing I described my wedding preparations or how it is to be a brown girl in Indian society. These three experiences, which on the surface sound painful, even toxic, became profound turning points. I can say the dark times changed my life.
You could extract litres of cocktail of stress hormones from my blood then, but NOW – I am healing. Each experience, each day shaped me, and made me who I am today. Let me share how.
The first chapter—Divorce. I won’t delve into the details of what led up to it, or the hard moments during it. But I will tell you about what came after. Divorce, as an event in my life was traumatic liberating as well!
Despite the inevitable pangs of loneliness and grief that pushed me into pitch dark times; this epiphany of liberation and freedom, I was having – was it a random good fortune? Or a divine reward for gift standing by myself? I don’t know – it was life changing.
Do you see – now as I write, how I see the “good outcome” of the dark times. But we as humans, when we are going through dark times we assume that its never gonna end and we see only the bad that has happened with us.
Yes it is true that something bad happened but it is NOT permanent.
Its important to tell ourselves lovingly that this bad phase is not permanent
EVEN now, sometimes, I see worst part of whatever happened – especially when loneliness creeps in. But yes I talk to myself out of it. I feel at peace and happier now.
Self-Compassion is the champion saviour.
Back to the story- It was like discovering the hidden treasure of freedom, and no momentary feeling of loss could overshadow that. It wasn’t easy—there were times I felt isolated, misunderstood, even called “crazy.” But I began to realize something crucial: their judgments no longer defined me. I was reclaiming my freedom, and it felt “incredible”.
Specially during your dark times, When others refuse to be kind to you – show compassion to yourself
-me
Recently, I faced one of those deeply triggering moments. A close family member—antagonistic, rude, and hurtful—lashed out, telling me I “deserved” the dark times. A few years back, words like these would have devastated me.
This time, though? I felt the anger rise, but I didn’t respond. I didn’t need to. Instead, I reached out to a friend from a support group who understood. Meanwhile, my calm only fuelled my critic’s anger. And that’s when it hit me: these painful experiences, these challenging people, have helped me grow. They’ve made me more resilient. My strength was starting to speak for itself.
Don’t be harsh on yourself when a narcissistic person triggers an extreme reaction out of you. Growing up with narcissistic family cults is in itself a dark time – a chronic low grade depression. The key is to be compassionate to oneself. During the dark times I was reacting; it was my friend from Australia who showed me compassion and told me to be kind to myself. So yes, we do get better by time.
Sometimes to find the light, we must first touch the darkness – Galadriel (LOTR)
I can now say – To see the brightest days we need to experience dark times. Well coming to the point of my journey, why I mentioned this incident is because it’s they – the narcissists – are the ones triggering this trajectory in my life. I do feel anger and grief at the same time I’m thankful for them!
If you’ve been through trauma, you might understand this: sometimes, even the negative experiences teach us. They force us to ask ourselves questions. “Am I really that bad?” “Why do I feel this way?” And in asking, we gain insight. For me, growing up in a toxic family environment gave me years of overthinking, doubt, and even self-worth struggles. But it also led me to “introspection”—a level of self-awareness that, ultimately, was empowering. Introspection and asking questions to self can get you out of dark times
Speaking of depression – For years, I looked to others—especially my ex—for happiness. I didn’t have a world of my own, no personal dreams, no self-love. I didn’t even know self-love was a thing. Therapy and self-help resources began to reveal a path forward, helping me build a more authentic life.
Courage is a friend.
My spiritual journey truly began (and end of dark times) with these questions: “Why am I unhappy?” “Why can’t I make my family happy?” “Who am I?” and “What’s my purpose?” I even asked God, and though the answers didn’t come instantly, they came! Gradually, books, online content, therapy—all of it started to shift my perspective. It was like peeling back the layers of a deeply entrenched belief system. Painful but freeing. And then came the depression, a low that had always simmered in the background, now intense and acute.
“I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.”—Brené Brown
It is the questions that we ask ourselves that shape our path. We need to be curious and ask ourselves questions and be courageous enough to see and accept the truth that reveals later.
“In the end, I’ve come to believe in something I call the ‘physics of the quest’, a force in nature governed by the laws of gravity. The rules of quest physics goes something like this: If you’re brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting and set out on a truth seeking journey either internally or externally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and if you are prepared most of all to face and forgive some of the most difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
There are some beautiful quotes from this movie/ book
Self love
I won’t sugarcoat it: (TW) I had some very dark days. Suicidal thoughts crept in. If you’re reading this and feeling the same, know this: “you are not alone”. Things will get better. I found support through God, through a friend in Australia from a narcissistic abuse support group, and even through my sister at times. I desperately wanted someone to truly understand me, to really be there. But even in the loneliness of a family that felt like strangers, I found my way.
God showed up in unexpected ways. When I needed it most, I got an opportunity to go to Mumbai for a fellowship. I went, though everyone opposed it. I believe that when you stand up for yourself, the universe responds. For me, that response came in the form of practical help and support from unexpected people.
My parents refused to support my divorce, wouldn’t even help me find a lawyer. But God had my back. I found a lawyer through a friend, someone who took me seriously, who was affordable and supportive. There were others too—my house help became a rock, supporting me in ways I never expected. And just as I was finishing my fellowship, a job offer appeared, giving me financial independence right when I needed it most. Looking back, I see the undeniable presence of Krishna, helping me at every turn. He showed me the way when I started writing and now again when I want to get back.
Fortune favours the brave
Then the fellowship – how it impacted my physical health. My ex, in a final power play, demanded that I stay or face divorce. I chose my freedom, knowing that the journey would be tough. The fellowship was gruelling—13-hour shifts, constant stress, heartache. I gained weight, developed PCOS, and faced physical and mental exhaustion.
There were times I ate mindlessly or binge-watched Netflix, not out of enjoyment but to numb the pain. It took everything I had to keep going. In short I can say, I was sick both mentally and physically. I needed nurturing care. I decided to give it to myself, despite the pull to seek it from other ( the very reason I got into narcissistic relationship – I chased toxicity)
GIVE TO YOURSELF THAT YOU SEEK OUT FROM OTHERS. THAT WILL NURTURE YOU AND HELP YOU GROW. IT BRINGS IN A LOT OF CLARITY AND PEACE. BE THAT LOVING CARING PERSON WHO SEES YOU, HEARS YOU AND CONNECTS WITH YOU. NO ONES GONNA GIVE THAT FOR YOU.
“Self-love in depression means finding the courage to talk to yourself, to remember that you were born with purpose. It doesn’t matter where others place you; you choose to hold yourself high, nurturing yourself with the same care a mother has for her child.”
-ME
WELL Even now, I’m a work in progress. I’m still healing, still navigating my way forward. And yet, I wouldn’t trade this journey for anything. This roller coaster of a life? It’s been worth every challenge, every tear, every moment of growth. The past two years have taught me that when you choose yourself, when you ask the hard questions, the universe listens and answers in ways you never expected. It’s all worth it.
You can mail me if you want to talk more!
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